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Parenting Advice Request Summary: Mom needs to find a way to keep her teenaged son out of jail.
My son is in juvenile detention for violating his probation. I need to find a school that will accept him, but the waiting lists are long. My problem is keeping him occupied and out of trouble. Do you have any suggestions?
Teen Response Summary : Get the teenaged boy involved in activities that he enjoys, and do that by getting him a mentor.
I'm afraid I can't be of much help when it comes to finding a school, but I can say that homeschooling has been known to work, whether by a tutor, or by yourself.
To keep him occupied and out of trouble, you need to facilitate activities that he excels in and enjoys at the same time. Now, I don't know what he's done to get himself landed in juvenile detention, but assuming whatever he did was because he was seeking a thrill, how about giving him a real thrill? Make him write a report on bungee jumping, and then send him off to do it! (That's a little extreme, but perhaps you can come up with a better example.)
Teenagers need positive reinforcement, and they need to know that whatever they are feeling, as unique as each teen deals with feelings and issues, that there are others that are feeling the same way. Making a teenager aware of the possibilities that will be open to them if they stay in school and stay out of trouble is absolutely essential. Don't show him internships and dead-end jobs, though. Show him something that will get his blood flowing.
Let's say he's always enjoyed auto racing. Does he know how many people are involved in the crew of one driver? I did a simple search, and there are approximately 25 people at the absolute minimum for everything from engine building to publicity, and there may be well over a hundred. What's stopping him from getting close to the action? Surely he can learn to do some of the same work that these people do for a living!
I am a firm believer in mentoring. A mentor in school, and a mentor in business would be ideal. A mentor is a caring person that can keep your son on track. They will work with him to discover himself and the world. A parent can only do so much to get through to their kids. You have taken a great step in caring enough to try and get him back into school when he leaves juvenile detention. Now, ask him to help himself by spending time with a mentor. A mentor can be a friend of yours who is interested in helping out a teenager, or it could be a fully certified psychologist that has been through mentorship training, or even a peer at school. It is up to you to decide what you want to do, but a mentor could be incredibly helpful.
The Maven Critique: Though (at this time) 50% of readers have NOT liked this response, suggesting positive reinforcement and a mentor are great ideas. This teen counselor may not have done enough to connect the two things together, though. In the end, this teen counselor also doesn't explain how to mend the relationship between mother and son. There's no indication it is bad, but with a child in jail, a positive relationship seems less likely. What can the mother truly do to keep her son out of jail and make sure he knows that she doesn't want him there?
What do YOU think?